I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
