I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
