no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
