I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
