I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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