it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
