It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
