You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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