Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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