I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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