ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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