Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize