new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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