I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
