better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
