Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
