A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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