I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
