why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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