just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
