meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
