I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
