Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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