I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
