You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She said her name was "party"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
