my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize