then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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