I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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