our cab driver is having phone sex.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
