I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
