you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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