I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
