yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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