So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
