he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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