i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
