I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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