pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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