all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
