Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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