i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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