what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
