I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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