I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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