Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
