I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
