he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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