Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize