Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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