the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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