Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
