You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize