Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
