the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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