Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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