ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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