Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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