Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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