haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
