You don't have asthma, your pregnant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
