I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
