i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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