you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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