Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
