Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
