I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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