I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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